How to influence people and win friends | Quick summary | Dales carnighe
Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer, and the developer of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills

1. Don’t criticize: We all are judgmental at times, judgement arises straight from ignorance but really everybody is perfect in their own way. We need to learn to appreciate one another for who we are. That build’s better relationship among people.

It’s so easy to criticize other people, and so hard to give a single honest compliment. It’s so easy to see yourself in a good light and at the same time focus on imperfections of other people.

But criticizing people is a complete lose-lose situation that only creates distance, spreads negative energies and causes tensions. Criticism is one of the worst kinds of negative thinking, talking and acting.

2. Appreciate people: Always shower people with positive appreciation even if they are not being the same for you. Appreciating people shows more of who you are than the person receiving the appreciation but it always does a great job getting started while bonding with each other.

If a person says he or she like this and this, don’t say oh i don’t like it or i don’t know what your talking about, but be curious to ask more about what it is about. This motivates the person to express and talk about their interest helping to build better bond.

William James, the father of psychology, stated that the most fundamental psychological need is to be appreciated. We all want to feel fully appreciated for our work. The payoff for inspiring leaders is that people do more for those who appreciate them. Although leaders widely recognize the need for appreciation, it tends to be a blind spot. That is, we generally believe we are much more appreciative of our team than our team thinks we are.

3. Make people important, see from their point of view: Everybody’s perception of reality is different , we all tend to see the world from our circumstances and belief. So respect one another’s belief .

4. Smile and remember people’s names, call them by name: I have experienced this so many times, when you call someone by their name even though you don’t know each other much. It does create a sense of knowing, they feel like you know them. Smiling is a great way to show to that your friendly and could communicate easily.

5. Be a good listener, ask questions and appreciate: Like i said earlier listening is first part then asking questions about it shows that your curious if you don’t know anything about the subject. If you do know then you could share your views where you make the other person feel relate able.

6. Ask People on what they are interested and speak about people’s interest: We all like to share about who we are than listen to other people, so be the listener because speaking doesn’t help you learn anything new unless your teaching it to someone. But listening does and it also helps create bond between the person your trying to communicate. Ask what they like or know about their interest first hand then talk about it, to build curiosity and interest to know each other while you communicate.

7. Make people happy: I know this is something that is not in your control to make someone happy, but a person with strong personality has a influence on anybody’s state of mind. But do know if they are in really bad mood don’t lecture them with big words but shower them with love and kindness.

8. Try to be nice when people criticize you and ask them what went wrong: We all know when it comes to the actual situation we usually go like “screw them”, but know that everybody is going through their own challenges in life they may had a bad day or frustrated with something so be don’t loose your calm be kind and nice. It will help building relationship, they will apologize later if they hurt you. If they don’t know that relationship or network with them was a bad idea.

9. Don’t get into argument,unless its a debate: Don’t try to show off with how much you know, nobody like’s it. Instead listen to their views and agree upon, if you ever want to make a potential network or business connection. Be nice and kind use your wit instead of many words and let them speak express themselves more.

Don’t argue, let other person speak about them don’t interrupt in between, people love to speak about themselves all you have to do is stay curious and respond to what they are saying to know them that you are still listening to what they are saying.

10. Seek peoples advice, grasp other person’s point of view: more you understand people more successful you become, understanding people and their views in whole is important for business or any organisation. Successful people who made it big have more EQ than IQ.

This is also one of very interesting point people love to be asked about their opinion about things makes them feel trusted with who you are, how much you mean to them.

11. Have sympathy when people tell their problems: Understanding one another is key to any relationship and strong bond and if people are expressing you their problems know that their being vulnerable and trust you. So don’t lecture them things instead comfort them first with sympathy then shower some of your own experience with the situation.

Life isn’t easy at times. There is no greater person who could give a support to the once in really need of them. This is a good way to build a bond.


This book was one of all time best seller on business and communication category, it is a good book if you want to improve relationship skills and network with people, if you are a introvert also a extrovert can better organize their thoughts instead of speaking too much but also be a good listener.

I haven’t gone through all of the points since most point where similar and showing examples from different perspectives. But you want to learn more you could purchase the book.